So this weekend I was supposed to try and crochet a weekend project. However, that didn’t happen. Instead what did happen was I finished up the handles to my summer beach tote (great timing now that summer is almost officially over) and then Sunday I broke things off with my fiance of four years. Part of me is in mourning over the loss of “us” but mostly I think I’m sad that I’ve wasted another four years of my life.
I thought I’d always be with him and that he would be the guy I would settle down and marry (after two previous engagements). Only things changed. He changed. I always heard of people falling out of love mainly due to one or both people changing in a relationship, I just never thought it would happen to me or that I would experience it. He said some hurtful things last night while I tried to explain what I was feeling and go through. All that did was confirm that all the previous times he said he was trying and things would be “different” were just empty promises.
So now I’m 29, single, and really have no one left to talk to about this. I told myself I would wait for him to maybe get the picture and wake up and take us back to the way we used to be before success got in his way; however, I’m rapidly losing hope that anything will change.
I want the fairy tale ending, the romantic comedy denouement, I want him to change and come running back saying he was sorry. But he likes this self centered, greed and ambition driven person he has become. He has created such a machine in himself that any type of romanticism or love is gone and had been disappearing for awhile. And what kills me is that he is happy.
I could feel myself being pulled down by it and I had to explain it to him again for the millionth discussion and unfortunately he said things that showed me true colors and what he really thought when he was masking his thoughts to appease me for a few more months. Instead of shaking my head and holding onto hope for more months I decided to tell him it was best if we went separate ways.
Now i’m regretting it. Part of me knows what I did was right but part of me feels so sad for the time we are losing together. I just wish I knew which feeling was the one that was right. I know it would be hard but I want to know I am not making the wrong decision.
Maybe my readers or anyone who travels across this blog can give me some advice….please…